First Things First

When I experience the wholeness and love of spirit within me, I will experience it everywhere outside of me: in everyone and everything. Going within first and accepting responsibility for my choices and experience and not experiencing myself as a powerless victim is the first step. When I fail to do this, I attack, first myself feeling sick, stressed, weak, deprived, lacking and victimized then you, blaming you, certain that if only you were different or the Republicans were different, then what a wonderful world it would be.

 

This is bull shit, the ego’s nightmare illusion designed to keep me busy in the illusion so I don’t go within, take responsibility and choose mySelf. There is only one way out of the ego illusion just as there only one way into it – to become aware of the horror and disfunctionality of it, want something different, go within and choose mySelf instead of myself. Wanting only this, I will have only this. I will know that instead of being alone and having to do it all on my own, with all the stress and fear that goes with that; I will have access to and be supported by the power that makes the stars shine and the seasons change.

Faith

The gift of life is mine to give, because it was given me. It is my birthright as well as yours. And I in turn want to give it, to feel the joy of sharing and seeing everyone and everything as whole, healthy and happy. What I want like that, is what I am. But I am not aware of the gift and feeling this way because I do not give it. The gift must be given first trusting and having faith in the fact that what we give, we have. We have so much corruption, fear, loathing, conflict, blame, and guilt, because, mistaking ourselves for the ego, that is what we have been giving. This need not be. We can turn away from this and give from our reality as spirit instead of our illusion as ego.

 

Every perceived attack is a call for the infinite love and patience that is mySelf. When I attack or perceive myself as attacked, I am unaware of mySelf and the gift of life, love and patience that is mine to give. When I share the illusions of attack, lack and scarcity, I am unaware of mySelf and the gift of life, love and patience that is mine to give. Turning away from these illusions and giving freely from mySelf no matter what seems to be happening, not only enable me to claim my reality, but you to claim yours.

 

Suddenly we see grace and ease and abundance, possibilities, creativity and innovation all around us! We are free! We know things need not be as they are! We can envision a world that works for everyone and everything and know how to make a contribution to it. All things are possible for mySelf! Wanting only this, I will have only this and giving only this I will be only this.

Doctor, It Hurts When I Do This

I do not need God’s blessing, the Course says, because as a spiritual being I have that forever. But I do need my own blessing. The ego’s picture of me, and you, is deprived, unloving and vulnerable. We cannot love this.

 

Yet we can fairly easily escape from this false image by leaving it behind. I am not there and that is not me, or you. If I do not see this image in anyone else, I will not see it in myself. Given reality as a holograph, what I see in others, I have accepted in myself.

 

All the ego’s nightmare illusions are dispelled together as they were made together by the choice of the decision maker in my mind. I don’t want to teach anyone that they are what I would not want to be. Other people and my experiences in the world are mirrors in which I see my perceptions of myself and my decision maker’s choices.

 

Illusions are investments. They will last as long as I value them. The only way to dispel illusions is to withdraw all investment from them. Then they will have no life for us because we have put them out of our minds—the source of all life.

 

The gift of life is ours to give, because it was given us. We are not aware of this because we do not give it. What we give, we have. We have so much corruption, fear, loathing, conflict, blame, and guilt, because that is what we have been giving. This need not be. We can turn away from this and give from our reality as spirit instead of our illusion as ego.

 

I’m reminded of that old joke: Patient: Doctor it hurts when I do this. Doctor: Don’t do that.

Reality as Holograph

I am never upset for the reason I think because the real reason I, and you, are upset is because we have identified with ego instead of spirit and are mistaking events in the ego’s nightmare world as real. We need to wake up and claim our atonement with spirit, our true identities as spiritual beings having earthly experiences. I, and probably you too, am able to do this sometimes - to awaken and feel the grace and know the truth, but it is the exception, not the rule.

 

“Reality cannot be partly appreciated,” the Course says. Denying any part of it means I have lost awareness of all of it. It’s like a holograph—one piece of the whole contains the whole, just as a drop of seawater contains all that the ocean is. Yet on the other hand, like the holograph, recognizing part of it means I am aware of all of it.

 

So it is that when I deny my own reality as spirit, I am denying yours and when I deny your reality as spirit—condemn, judge, fear and hate you—see you with ego—I am doing the same to myself. I need to see you as a spiritual being in order to see myself as a spiritual being. The blessing I withhold from you, is the blessing I need and withhold from myself.

 

There is no way for me to have the blessing, except by giving it to you – or the Republicans, or the so-called militants, or the bankers, or the Wall Street criminals. When these people act insanely believing that events in the ego nightmare are real, they are offering me an opportunity to see that I have denied my own reality, and their need for blessing is my own.

 

My ego says: ‘No way! I’m not a Wall Street criminal nor a T Party radical!’ And that’s true from the ego perspective. But that is a limited perspective, one that denies the greater holographic reality we all share. It is not the truth and not the whole story. “Reality cannot be partly appreciated.” This is the law of life and has no exceptions. What I deny either in myself or you, I lack, not because it is lacing in truth, but because I have denied it and am therefore not aware of it.

 

Every response I make is determined by what I, and you too, think we are. And what I want to be is what I think I am. So, what I want to be – either ego or spirit – determines every response I make. I have but to look to my experience to know what I want to be. Hate, fear, judgment, guilt, and doubt are of the ego. Love, trust, appreciation, cooperation and innovation are of spirit.

I'm Never Upset for the Reason I Think!

My experience shows me that my mind divides its allegiance between the ego and spirit and is totally committed to neither. According to the Course, my identification with spirit is totally beyond question except by the ego.

 

I really want to believe this—that I am a spiritual being having an earthly experience. And further, I want to believe that what and who I am, and what and who you are, is not established by perception, nor influenced by it at all.

 

Perceived problems are not problems of fact, the Course says. They are problems of understanding, since their presence implies a belief that who and what we are is up to us to decide—which it is when I ID with the ego. Tho the ego believes this fully and is totally committed to it, it is not true. If my inner decision maker was as committed to spirit’s wholeness as the ego is to separation, I’d be in heaven all the time.

 

That’s good to know! Because, when I’m sad and depressed I can allow myself to remember it’s because I’m committed to the ego instead of spirit and this is not God’s choice, but my own. The truth is I’m never separate from spirit but simply asleep and dreaming I’m separate. So when I, and you, are sad and depressed, we need to know it’s not what’s happening ‘out there’ that’s doing it, it’s the decision I made in here to be with the ego and separate from the Truth. So, a useful thing to do when feeling depressed or sad is to pause and say: ‘I am never upset for the reason I think!’ then chose again.

Parenoia

We missed the time change yesterday. When we woke at our usual time, it was an hour later. My wife found out first when she put the TV news on. She didn’t believe it so she called the time & temp phone #. They confirmed it. Still, I was vaguely uneasy about it.

 

How could we have missed it? We usually know well in advance. It made me feel paranoid. I owned that feeling and let it drift around my consciousness for awhile then realized why I felt that way and this is what I want to share.

 

I was paranoid because I had no way to verify on my own--by my own experience - that the time really did change. It was still dark, there was just no way to know. I had to depend on the external man-made sources and worst of all, the media. I couldn’t know and believe on my own or use my own sense experience to validate. I had to trust and that need to trust what I considered an unreliable source and my inability to verify with my own experience made me paranoid.

 

Wow, having to trust the media! What an eye opener! And for something so basic as the time of day. The news is similar. Like the time change, because I can’t verify the so-called news with my own experience and sense data, I’m paranoid about what is distributed by the media and called ‘news.’ That’s why it’s so important if I’m to keep my paranoia at an ‘acceptable’ level and avoid the severe paranoia infecting so many people, that I, and you too, have many different sources of news and information, stay mindful and use scientific techniques like General Semantics.

I'm grateful

I had surgery yesterday to repair a hernia in my right groin area. It went very well and I’m grateful! The surgeon was simpatico, compassionate and skillful as were all the professionals at Baptist. I am grateful! The actual surgery itself was 40 minutes. The doc found that my appendix was in the hernia so he removed it. Again, I’m grateful, two for one! The prep—paperwork, etc was 2 ½ hours, the actual surgery, 40 minutes….

 

 On a scale of 1 – 10, the pain last night was a 12, made worse by movement and I had to get up to pee every hour. I took a large dose of homeopathic Arnica early in the evening. I’m pretty sure it helped. I should have taken in it the day before and the day of; better late than never. When the pain was most intense, I breathed into it, surrendered to it and gave it over. That let me sleep. Gradually, as the night grew older, the pain eased.

 

Now, I’m a six on the pain scale. Ice before bed and a little while ago helped also; as did the Alleve. I’m grateful. I put the surgery off for approx a year because of fear of the recovery. But as the condition worsened, I had no choice. I’m glad it’s done and I found the courage to get it done. All in all, I’m grateful.