Vacillation

“I am often overwhelmed, Barak, as you are,” Devorah confessed. “The darkness I project is so strong and fierce the best I can do is to move between it and the light. This vacillation is the problem.”

For me too, Devorah, and perhaps for you as well.

The last few posts have focused on vacillation and seeking the light and the Kingdom within first. That’s because vacillating between spirit and ego, and not seeking the light of the Kingdom within first, are the two ‘things’ I’m working on right now. My spiritual practice is to seek the Kingdom within first and stop vacillating between spirit and ego.

My practice is to be mindful and choose spirit first, and not feel guilty when I don’t– which is most of the time. When spirit, love, inclusiveness, creativity and peace are all I want, I will experience only them. It’s the fear, the guilt and blame of looking out first and seeing the prejudice, war, hatred, inequality, and hypocrisy that causes me to forget mySelf and yourSelf.

If I came only from spirit’s inner light, its power and grandeur could only bring peace. But I vacillate, project my darkness out and become afraid, seeing something that is merely a projection and not there. Yet this need not be for in that same place I can look upon spirit and project that out. That is what I want, to look only upon spirit and know that it is all I want, that I’ve had enough fear, guilt and blame, prejudice, war, hatred, inequality, and hypocrisy. Don’t you feel the same, don’t you want only spirit, love, inclusiveness, creativity and peace?