Monday, December 20, 2010

It's a process

Lesson 31 in the Course: “I am not the victim of the world I see.”

This is about betting it all on black, about being completely in my ‘right mind,’ about shifting from the ego’s projection of guilt to spirit’s extension of forgiveness and love – the key to the practice of A Course in Miracles. It’s about being with spirit, only. If I’m not the victim of the world I see, then I’m entirely with spirit and need no defenses.

In traditional psychology, if I am without defenses I would be thought to be psychotic, and from the ego’s perspective on the world that would be true. To be completely identified with the Love of God is indeed a form of psychosis as the world sees it, because it goes against everything judged to be reality. I don’t want to be considered insane and tho I long to bet it all on black, don’t really feel I can. I’m not about to walk in front of a moving car or give all my money away.

But I can, moment by moment, choose to be with spirit instead of ego; choose to be guided by intuition and the still small voice of spirit, and make the moment to moment choosing a habit. This is being mindful. This is knowing the ego always speaks first and loudest and to repent, to choose again, before acting. It’s living with a pause, and allowing my true reality to manifest. It’s not judging myself or beating myself up for having an ego, but rather saying, “oops, there I go again,” and choosing to see things differently, with spirit and experience that reality here.

It’s about recognizing the primacy of thought, that my thoughts alone are important, not the world outside. It’s the mindfulness of watching the images my imagination presents to my awareness and allowing them to drift in and out, like clouds across the face of the sun, and realizing that I’ll see shapes and meaning in some clouds, but that they’re still only clouds. That’s what I’m endeavoring to do and from that relatively egoless, guilt free, non-judgmental place to make a contribution to a world that works for everyone and everything.

But, and oh, God help me with this, I’ve got to remember it’s a process! It’s not done once and for all; oh no, that would be too, easy. It’s an ongoing, never ending process, each moment a new choice. And tho looking at this as something I’ve got to do each moment for the rest of my life is daunting, it’s also comforting to know that its cumulative, that it is a process and I’m building new spiritual, mental, emotional and physical habits, that it gets easier each time, and in fact, some moments take care of themselves without me having to choose.

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