Defenses Attack My Reality as Spirit, Not Protect It

My ego, my belief that I am in this body, in this time and place faced with pain, sickness, death and default, is upsetting me. I’m struggling to have “a meaningful encounter with the truth,” with my reality as spirit; but the ego, threatened by that reality, makes me worried, jittery, fearful, angry and upset so that I feel as if I don’t plan, something terrible will happen to me. The ego gets vicious as I shift away from it and does all kinds of nasty and terrible things to keep focused on it and the world and not on my reality as spirit.

The real threat to the ego is the power of my decision maker to choose against it and for my reality as spirit. In addition to keeping me busy and focused in the world of the dichotomy, the ego tells me that my plans will not only protect me here, in the world, but will protect me from spirit Itself, which is pissed off at me for choosing ego in the first place, and, in Its anger, will wipe me out. Actually, my plans, arising from my belief that I am a body in the world and need protection, are defenses against the truth of my reality as spirit - which needs no protection, and the unreality and illusory nature of the ego.

The ego doesn’t reveal that my defenses – plans – really protect me from recognizing I can change my mind and choose truth instead of illusion. What could I not accept, if I knew that everything that happens, all events, past, present and future, are gently planned by One Whose purpose if my good? What if I could, as Byron Katie advises, simply love what is?

When I am angry, frustrated, fearful and seemingly stuck in the ego’s dichotomy, I am not my Self and have misunderstood spirit’s plan, for It would never offer me pain and doesn’t even know the world exists, since the world was created not by It, but by the ego. My defenses against the future, arising from my identification with the ego/body/world/dichotomy do not let me experience the present blessings that are my reality as spirit.

The love of God enfolds me, is something I say when I’m feeling stuck in the ego/body/world/dichotomy to remind me to shift and experience my present blessings as I identify with my timeless reality as spirit. Sometimes, I am able to shift effortlessly; most of the time I am not. Still, if I pause, breath deeply and really want to feel that the love of God enfolds me, I can. And the more I do that, the more it does.