Funk

I’m in one of those betwixed and between places, where some things I really, really want, at an ego level, but think may be bad for me at both ego and spiritual levels, but would go ahead with anyway, trouble or no, and have made a lot of moves to obtain, aren’t happening; and I’m pissed. The laws of cause and effect which I accept, tell me my fear of what I want is getting in the way of getting what I want. I want to indulge, to take a chance, to see if what I want isn’t as bad for me as I fear, but I can’t get it to find out.

I think I’m trying to be too, good, and what I need to be is just human. I mean being human is both/and, being spiritual and physical, and I’ve been, not dissing the physical, but perhaps overemphasizing the spiritual. It’s OK to want what I want even tho it may be ‘bad’ for me, I don’t have to be perfect and maybe if what I want doesn’t work out so well, going there anyway, is still the next step on my human/spiritual path. In other words, perhaps its my ego idea of what spirit wants, and not spirit at all, that’s in the way.

Anyhow, this is also about my need and desire to be right. In fact, that’s what this blog is about, being right. Blogging allows me to think out loud, to reflect and choose and be right. Of course, we all want to be right, that’s an ego thing. But I see it’s also a spiritual thing, because searching for what’s ‘right’ is a spiritual quest, too.

But, being absolutely right, as in making others absolutely wrong, is not a spiritual quest, it is an ego illusion. What I want is for me, something I want to do; it’s not intended to harm anyone else, and will not be, I trust, at anyone else’s expense. What I want is not to practice being right, but to fulfill a deep desire that I tend to think of as ego, but could also be spiritual. I want to have what I want, experience it, not fantasize about it, live in harmony, cooperation, and partnership with all aspects of my Self and others, and relinquish the need and desire to be perfect, ‘good’ or right and the related need and desire to act from a place of having ‘earned’ what I want as a reward for good behavior or from suffering and victim hood or being wronged.

Courage! Just say yes and go for it, forget all the mental/emotional gyrations; let spirit and ego be one and aligned.